The Robert Crumb exhibition at the Whitechapel closed on the 22nd of May, but the BBC (Brighton Baldies Club) or is that BBCC (Brighton Bald Cartoonists Club) made a last-minute pilgrimage last Thursday to worship the artwork of the world's greatest living cartoonist. We were not disappointed: the whole upstairs of the gallery was lined with original artwork and artefacts (bobbins!): from the exercise book pencil strips of the early 60s up until ones done a couple of weeks ago. It was great to see the near same-size strips from Zap No.0 in the early part of the show and the labour-of-love oversize perfection of the Charley Patton strip (Zap #11 1984), plus loads and loads more. The man is so prolific! We chuckled at the caveman strip (the world's first artist) and marvelled at his placemat 'doodles', tho Simeon (who isn't bald!) was disappointed we could see so little evidence of pencil. Visitors were invited to contribute a drawing, so Paul Cemmick, Geo Parkin, Simeon Stout (who has a fine head of hair) and I did a group caricature (I supplied the lettering). Paul Cemmick draws Geo Parkin; Simeon Stout (not a baldy) looks on The finished drawing We later went for a curry down Brick Lane, at the Monsoon, where a very nice chap outside offered us free beer and a 25% discount. How could we refuse! A perfect day.

Thanks to Les at CSS for putting me on to this marvellous utility -- Tubetrack -- which tells you the latest train arrivals/departures info at your local station! Works on Mac and Windows, and it's free.

George Galloway takes on the US Senate -- the full 47 minute testimony.

Art's little brother: 'Design, rather than art, is foremost now in embodying the visual spirit of the age. Millions get by without going anywhere near an art gallery, but everyone is touched in some way by design.' So says Rick Poynor.

Ken Campbell was on fine form last night on the tiny stage of The Greys (a stage shared with Country Joe, John Cooper Clarke, the late great Pete McCarthy, Andy Roberts, countless C&W stars, and next Monday, Neil Innes), lugging books out of a huge suitcase, linking Anne of Green Gables with Jackie Chan, the Laughing Jesus people, David Deutsch, The Nation of Damanhur, time travel, parallel multiverses, redemptive vignettes, etc etc. A posse of young men down the front were taking copious notes and Peter Chrisp very kindly gave me his latest objets d'art pertaining to rising male Greek waistlines. I was on the telly on Sunday, on the local insert to BBC1's The Politics Show, interviewed about the value society places on the arts (not as much as it should!). It can be seen here, at least for the next week or so. Look for the link 'click here to view the Politics Show South' and fast forward to about 10.54 mins in!

John Shuttleworth and Martin Parr's film 'It's nice Up North' will be premiered at the Edinburgh Festival in August - here is the trailer (website edit) - can't wait!

Great David Devant & His Spirit Wife gig at the famous Spiegeltent last night. Lots of old numbers for the old fans, but no encore! Not their fault. Foz had a fab chav suit, and we just couldn't keep still. Wish I'd videoed it! This morning, I was interviewed by Chris Coneybeer of The Politics Show about how society values the arts, or not. The interview took place at The Dragonfly House where some of my linocuts are on show. Angie, the lady of the house, was also interviewed. Goes out on Sunday, but only in the South East.

Mark Boyle RIP: it was a treat to see him in the Soft Machine lightshow room of Edinburgh's Modern Art museum in 2003.

DI Burnside from The Bill, aka Chris Ellison: is exhibiting at Dekoart gallery in Upper North Street, Brighton. The show, entitled T.K.O, features watercolours based on the world of boxing, including depictions of fellow Brighton and Hove resident and former super middleweight world champion Chris Eubank.

Green men and goddesses. Yesterday was a scorcher at Hastings for the Jack-in-the-Green celebrations. I missed my lift due to the alcoholic excesses of the previous day (Bob's party in deepest Kemp Town and the Rob Newman G8 Dissent gig in the smokey Sussex [f]Arts Club -- great Blair and Johnny Rotten impressions!) so missed the parade, but puffed my way up from the station to the castle past the millions of bikers for the slaying of Jack, lots of morris dancing (and a bloomin' samba band -- shouldn't be allowed!!), people with green faces, and some real ale (Smith's Dark Mild). Managed to grab a few leaves from Jack after he was destroyed... Thanks go to Erica Smith for providing the tasty wraps, and Jackie B for the lift home. Jack on the hill Jack being danced around before he was ripped to shreds...

Max Miller. Popped along to New Road this morning to see the unveiling of a statue of the 'Cheeky Chappy' Max Miller, made by Pete Webster, who lives over the road from me. Couldn't get near enough to snap Roy Hudd, Norman Wisdom, June Whitfield and George Melly, but snapped a couple of looky-likeys in great clobber. And spotted the old bloke off eastenders who had the hots for Dot Cotton! It's also the day of the commercial vehicles run -- my favourite of all the London-to-Brighton car rallies. The guy on the left is Max Miller's nephew.

Bill Tidy exhibition. There is so much to do and see round here, I've hardly had time to write my blog! Friday night went to Worthing art gallery to the PV of The Tidy Mind, an exhibition of Bill Tidy's cartoons with Jo Moore. He's a big hero of mine and we weren't sure he'd be there, but he was, and as charming as can be. The exhibition continues until 23 July and all the images are for sale. It was sponsored by Budvar (the Budvar marketing men were several sheets to the wind!), so there was plenty of beer too, Dan from RAG had done a sculpture celebrating that famous brew. There was a notice saying Bill was doing live cartooning on Saturday so we went off to Des Buckley's PV in Port Slade, then Sat morning I got up at the crackle of the dawn and went back to Worthing by train. He was great! Very funny and -- guess what-- some cloggies turned up from Sompting Village Morris. It was almost May day after all. Wanted to see the Holman Hunt, but it was 'resting'. Had a coffee in Muldoon's (on recommendation of Dan) and had a quick look round Worthing-in the-mist.

User unfriendly: Peter Poole's critique of the new library.

Dance club which launched Fatboy's career is shutting: Brighton institution The Zap Club is closing! 'Course we remember it pre-House music days when it was just two arches wide and hosted comedy, live music and theatre -- with veggie food from Saxon.

$10,000 reward for original issue of Electronics in which Moore's Law was published. The moral is: never throw anything away!

'Infomania' worse than marijuana: "Those distracted by incoming email and phone calls saw a 10-point fall in their IQ - more than twice that found in studies of the impact of smoking marijuana, said researchers." Blimey, must learn to switch the computer off!

Read my 'controversial' feature on whether the Artists' Open Houses of Brighton and Hove are part of the Brighton Festival or apart from it at Open House Online.

Letter: Don't demolish this Art Deco gem: "I am alarmed at the proposal to demolish the Granada cinema - latterly known as Gala Bingo - in Portland Road, Hove, and build housing on the site," writes Joy Linford. Too many 1930s buildings have been demolished since I moved to Brighton!

Minesweeper is 'part of port heritage': we went to see the Fische last Sunday on the Clarion bike ride. It is rather large!

Ears still ringing from a gobbing bodyhair-tearing gig by punk-a-billies Th' Legendary Shack*Shakers at the fabulous Freebutt last night. Yet another Peter Chrisp tip-off. Must record also how wonderful the loose English asparagus is from Sainsbury's. Went back for more yesterday! Steam quickly and eat with best olive oil and pepper.

Open House Online - your one-stop guide to all things open house!: this year the Open Houses broke away from the so-called Brighton Festival 'fringe' -- Bill Black's website is one of the spin-offs.

Residents are delighted by their first glimpses of renovated city landmark: 'Long-term plans [for Embassy Court] include a basement swimming pool and gymnasium, full refurbishment of the foyer to its original opulence, restoration of a long-lost mural by renowned artist Edward McKnight-Kauffer and the creation of a 'showcase' flat featuring original Thirties fixtures, fittings and works of art.'

Top cartoonist to exhibit in Worthing: my hero Bill Tidy will be showing 150 or so original drawings at Worthing Museum and Art Gallery from Saturday 30 April to Saturday 23 July.

More Northern foods available on the interweb: we used to suck Uncle Joe's Mint Balls on the terraces and in the Lad's Stand at Gigg Lane back in the days before pies (or Fisherman's Friends!). Well, when we were really poor, Grandad sucked one and we all stood round warming our hands on his breath. Never tried Henderson's Relish, being a Lancastrian, but I'm willing to give it a go! My bag of black peas arrived safely from Ken Bentley of Driffield and some are currently soaking. Now to source some veggie faggots and suet puddings! BTW become a fan of Foul Medammas, some interesting beans from the East (3 tins for a pound at the Taj Mahal).

I was intrigued by an article in Sunday's Indy about carlings, traditionally eaten on the 5th Sunday of Lent Up North. I remember them as black peas, eaten at Bury Fair with a teaspoon out of a cracked cup with a dash of vinegar. They're also on sale in Bury shops around Bonfire night. They are also known as carlin peas, maple peas and pigeon peas (cos they're mainly fed to pigeons these days!). There's a black pea stall in the station forecourt at Rawtenstall. The author enjoying a portion of black peas in Rawtenstall.

Teach yourself messy Japanese calligraphy with OSUG. Hours of fun!

A cleanshaven Country Joe McDonald was in fine voice last night at The Greys - he's also a very fine guitarist. He started with 'Give us an F' but left the rest for later. Looking a bit like Sir Cliff Richard, he told some great stories about Janis Joplin (he wrote a song for her), John Fahey (who apparently did a crap first set cos he wasn't drunk enough, a great second set, and a crap third set cos he was too drunk - and kept popping out for a piss mid-song only to resume at exactly the same spot when he returned!), smoking banana skins (it doesn't work kids, unless you're dropping acid too!), Florence Nightingale and the origins of the famous Fish Cheer. Unfortunately Nick had to leave without hearing his most famous song to catch the last train of the 'enhanced' Easter Monday service. I didn't like to set my flash off during the set, so the other coupla pix are very blurry - this one is at the end of I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin'-To-Die Rag.

The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain have released their cover of urban pop rap classic 'Miss Dy-na-mi-tee'. Apparently Kate Bush wouldn't let them cover 'Wuthering Heights', which is a shame. They were great at the Lewes Live Lit Festival last year. Must purchase a uke!

Just been to see 9 Songs at the Dukes on a sunny Thursday afternoon. By heck, is this what young people get up to after a gig? I rather liked it (he says in Tom Paulin voice) - not at all boring as all the sophisto crits have been bangin on about. Nice cameos by Elbow (Bury band) and Michael Nyman.

thevessel: My home page - The Vessel, aka Mikey Georgeson, artist/illustrator and singer/organist with David Devant and his Spirit Wife (and Carfax) now has a blog! and has kindly added mine to his list. Must reciprocate. Just bought a LaCie Porsche-powered 160 Ryan Giggs hard drive to back up my iTunes etc - ordered one yesterday from Galaxy Peripherals who claim in Mac mags to have the lowest prices, but they were out of stock and kindly refunded my dosh. Went to the rather good Dealtime and found another one at Savastore (crap name, but excellent service!) at a tenner cheaper and ordered late yesterday affy, it arrived this morning. Isn't the internet wonderful!

Robert Crumb: discussed his medley of comic characters, his acid-fuelled days, existentialism and crosshatching with the Guardian's cartoonist Steve Bell at the National Film Theatre. He was also joined on stage by his wife Aline Kominsky-Crumb and Peter Poplaski. Here's the full transcript.

Shop puns

Brighton has been named Shop Name Horror Capital by author Guy Swillingham, 33, who has always been fascinated by shop names. On almost every shopping street customers are confronted by spoonerisms, wordplay and assorted bad puns. My favourite is Plate Expectations, sadly now closed, in Gardner Street - and of course Thistle Do Nicely in Edinburgh.

War on wheelie bins is brewing: AOH supremo Graham Hale has strung a banner from his house saying: 'Cityunclean. Pavements for people. Keep bins off our pavements. Brighton Not Bintown.' Mr Hale called on others to join the protest by emailing: nowheeliebins@hotmail.co.uk. I'm with you Graz - I only put a bag of mainly plastic packaging out every 2 or 3 weeks - the rest goes to Magpie or the compost bin!

The Birmingham Pen Trade Heritage Association: another Peter Chrisp recommendation! Wow! you can even buy nibs from this site. Must visit it, and also take in the City of Birmingham at ThinkTank too. I ask you! what's wrong with the word 'museum' for goodness sake!

Crumb Museum - Spools: this link comes courtesy of Peter Chrisp -- Brighton face, sandwich maker and raconteur -- who has just discovered my blog! These must predate his decorated pistachio nut shells featured in the handbook.

Neil and Yvonne Innes Road Trip 2005: a diary of the current UK tour. Missed him at Worthing but have a ticket for The Greys gig in May.

Is Adam's old bike a treasure of our city?: the Sage of Sussex's faithful companion - a pushbike he bought thirty years ago - has been left to rot in a dank garden shed.

R Crumb was in great form (in a Woody Allen sort of way) last night at the National Film Theatre in conversation with Steve Bell, especially when Aline, after much heckling, joined them on stage. Steve was interested in technical details like what nib Rapidograph he used and how he drew lefthanded. Any difficult questions were put down to his acid years. Spotted in the audience were Mike Leigh and Jim Broadbent (and Paul Gambacinni and Corinne Pearlman). I was disappointed he didn't do a signing in the end but I got Zorro and Aline to sign my book. He'd mentioned Hogarth's paintings at 'The Soane house'. Strangely enough I was at Sir John Soane's Museum earlier. Wal had phoned me on the train to say the Bonham's Crumb exhibition had shut a day early and I was at a loose end. Wonderful place, bathed in light on a spring day. Grumpy curator only opened the 'painting doors' when I assured her I'd exhaustively studied the top paintings, but she was relieved by a more knowledgeable chap who showed me the Piranasis and Turner lurking under the surface! Also popped into the Hunterian museum opposite to see grisly things in bottles! Drink with Wal then down to The Hole in the Wall to meet Geo. The train back was delayed by a 'trespasser' (body) on the line at Clapham Junction.

Council admits book skip mistake: hmmmm!

The high priest of self-loathing: another R Crumb interview -- in The Times.

Letter: We don't want this unit in anyone's back yard: Gus Garside's 'no NIMBY' lead letter.

Ex-teacher with a pencil point: John Richards has spent more than a decade reinventing the pencil to help children develop their handwriting and relieve writer's cramp.

eggbaconchipsandbeans: not a great fan of greasy spoons (being vegaquarian I can't abide the smell of rancid lard) - but I do love a classic cafe. A modern classic is my regular Brighton haunt, the Off Beat on Sydney Street: Fairtrade coffee, the till from Quodraphenia but alas no toasted teacakes!

Mental Drippings: 10 worst album covers of all time, according to Pork Tornado. Hmm, hard to beat!

Library under fire over short opening times: Jackie Wills, named last year as one of ten best new British female poets by an influential writers' magazine, said: 'I was shocked to find out it was shut in the evenings and Sundays. It should be a centre for writing activities - poetry readings and book events which typically take place in the evenings from 7pm until about 9.30pm.

Hastings Pier and Anal Beard

It was a very busy weekend, full of exciting experiences and encounters. Saturday I went to a PV at the Phoenix of the stone carvings of Marcia Bennett-Male, a friend of Nick's. It's great to see skill in art - they are reminiscent of Ian Hamilton Finlay with a West Indies slant. My neighbour Marion Charles also had work on show.

Hastings off-season, note funicular in distance 

Then to Hastings on the train, always an adventure. I'd never been there in daylight before and experienced both funicular railways before hiking to the pier for the Mad March Fayre and a stadium rock appearance by my nephew's band Anal Beard.

Hastings Pier 

Erica and Melita dragged me off to another PV up some steps, with free wine and nibbles this time, 'fraid i can't remember the name of the artist, but Poly Styrene from X-ray Spex was there! I asked her if I could take a photo but she said no and referred me to her website. So back through the massed chavs to the station and after a cold half-hour wait at Lewes, home.

Anal Beard in concert 

On Sunday I cycled down to the sea to buy a kipper (no smokies) then to Hove Museum for Where is Minnie the Minx Today? Guardian cartoonist Steve Bell (who was also spotted at Saturday's PV at Phoenix) , editor of Comics International Dez Skinn, and comics creators Woodrow Phoenix and Gavin Burrows, debated the lost art of subversion in children's comics. The last event in a 3-year long celebration of the 50th anniversary of Leo Baxendale's Bash Street Kids first appearance in The Beano. Organised by Cartoon County, the mayor and her car CD1 were there too. Got a few blurred pix cos I didn't dare switch my flash on. Spotted a new weird cycle lane near Tescos on the way back, complete with sculptures. Keep an eye on my Weird cycle lanes website for pix.

Venetian Grinds: "Not only did the artists use glass to fill gaps in their palettes, but the materials' optical effects—intentionally or not—also brought their paintings to life in unprecedented ways." New research on the palettes of Venetian painters.

Embassy Court: the official website.

Seafront landmark is online: Sir Neil Cossons, chairman of English Heritage, describes Embassy Court as 'the second most important building in Brighton after the Royal Pavilion'.

10 things I have learned: wise words from Milton Glaser.

Crafts gone bad: hilarious!

A whole website dedicated to The R Crumb Handbook -- with free CD!

100 Years of Illustration : blimey! will I ever get any work done...

Drawn! : Drawn! is a collaborative weblog for illustrators, artists, cartoonists, and anyone who likes to draw.

Is beer less fattening than wine?: "According to the BBPA, a glass of beer with a typical 4.6% alcoholic volume, has fewer calories not only than a similar measure of wine, but also milk or fruit juice." Well, we knew that all along, eh?

Crumb exhibition at the Whitechapel Art Gallery, London from 1 April.

G2 in Crumbland: Simon Hattenstone interviews Robert Crumb.

Robert Crumb... and his world at the NFT: The Guardian Steve Bell interview with Robert Crumb on 18 March! How good a birthday treat would that have been! Ah well... Missed him the last time he was over -- with his jazz band at the ICA.

Public check out new library: the Argus take on the new library.

Biro Art-Doodles -- a virtuoso of the ball point!

Jonathan Glancey's appraisal of Brighton's new Jubilee Library. And (I say pedantically) it's North Laine NOT North Laines! Laine is a Saxon word meaning field, apparently!

B&H City Libraries, The Word Project: went to the first day of Brighton's new library yesterday, mainly to get my Raymond Briggs books signed by the man himself, and spot the gorgeous Louise Rennison (Lynne Truss was signing too). It's a wonderful space with lots of new CDs and DVDs to borrow (tho not so many books?), and magic desks instead of staff where you can check out your own microchip-embedded items (is this the end of the rubber stamp?), but my first impressions were: no cycle facilities (maybe they come later?) and there's only one narrow set of glass stairs to the high upper level (two flights). Not recommended for those with vertigo or agoraphobia...

Bumper Balls: the perfect accessory for your Chelsea Tractor! What is Illustration?: hmmm, an old chestnut this one... the article seems more like a 'realism versus conceptual art' debate. It really annoys me that the critics still slag off Victorian and Edwardian paintings...

BBC - h2g2 - 'Intro and Outro', a song by The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band: "Hi there. Nice to be with you. Happy you could stick around. Like to introduce..."

Cycled along a bit of the Cuckoo Trail last Sunday, through blizzards and sun. My debut run will be up and down it on 27 March.

Longmire does Romance Novels: with re-imagined titles!

Own It - Free advice on intellectual property, copyright, patents & licensing - : "a new service which offers free intellectual property advice for London’s creative people". Must investigate further...

Top painters have suited themselves: "Artists and designers have put their creative talents to use by customising suits to be auctioned for charity." How come I've never noticed this shop?

Bungaroosh -- great name, eh? It's what lurks beneath the render in many a Brighton house. The corner shop being renovated at the end of Gerard Street has proper brickwork at the front and bungaroosh (an early form of concrete) round the side, with the odd course of bricks here and there to hold the whle thing together.

Letter: Many literary treasurers just won't be available: "Only in Brighton could books be transported, at great cost, from the temporary Vantage Point library to the new Library - and then hurled into a skip bound for the dump" -- outrageous!

Smartie Museum: UK Smartie Lids Page -- well I never, a website devoted to Smartie's lids!

Smarties set to lose their tube: first they remove the cardboard insert from Bounty bars ('Mars of Slough, you've really done it now!'), then they replace the ecological combination of silver foil and paper from the packaging of Kit Kats in favour of plastic, now they're about to change the Smarties round tube to a hexagonal one with flip-top lid! At least they will be slightly greener, dispensing with the plastic lid.

The Ramblers' Association has launched a campaign to search out Elm trees -- must pop along to Preston Park and hug some of the largest and probably oldest surviving English elms.

Library sends books to the tip: "A huge pile of books destined for the dump were rescued by a builder working next to the new Brighton library." Outrageous. Charity shops too are guilty of only displaying 'nearly new' stock and chucking out old books.

Letter: Mishmash flats -- the demolition of 1930s Preston Place to make way for 'affordable' housing, ie an ugly block of flats.

Accolade for man of letters: "A signwriter whose work can be seen hanging outside dozens of Sussex pubs has received international recognition for his craftsmanship." We spotted his work on the Clarion ride last Sunday -- the Plough at Plumpton, with Polish Spitfires!

McLibel Two win legal aid case: "The McLibel Two should have been given legal aid by the British government to defend themselves against a libel action by the food giant McDonald's, the European court of human rights ruled today." Hurrah!

Letter: We can't afford to save pier kiosk: hmm!

Ban off-road parking (except at my house): Richard Mallender, of the Green Party, said: 'It's disappointing she [Juliet McCaffery] is doing this. The solution this city needs is not to make more space for cars but more space for different forms of transport. We need to shift from our over-reliance on cars to using buses, trains, bicycles and walking.'

'Make Mine Shoebox': a great animation about producing greetings cards by Chris Harding.

Fred Pipes flattering photos: added a pic of me with Steve Bell at the opening of the Leo Baxendale exhibition at Hove Museum, 11 February 2005.

Nice informed interview with Neil Innes in this Midlands newspaper.

The perfect cuppa: Oooo the BSI has ruled on the milk first or milk last debate. "Pour in tea on top of milk to prevent scalding the milk."

Letter: Save the kiosk -- it's all that's left of the West Pier!

Letter: Outdated idea: Joyce asks "- who would use the park-and-ride and when - and what would be the environmental costs?" Park and ride, without chopping the equivalent parking spaces in the centre is a waste of time -- and would mean demolishing houses and allotments!

Expert fears park and ride could pollute drinking water: "a giant car park at Patcham, Brighton, may cause petrol and oil to seep into water supplies"

Great interview with illustrator and Mac user Lane Smith.

The English-to-American Dictionary: what a useful resource!

Garage on market for £50,000: "situated in the heart of the bohemian Hanover quarter, near the seafront and nearer a plethora of fashionable pubs". That's just 2 grand less than what i paid for my house in 1987!

Wind farm vision for West Pier: what a good idea!

Great set of linocut stamps by Chris Wormell, the award-winning creator of the children's book An Alphabet of Animals.

Hulk creator biffs Marvel for millions: Thwack! With one mighty blow the comic-book creator Stan Lee took a swipe at Marvel comics this week. Ugh! A judge in the United States awarded the 82-year-old deviser of Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk and X-Men a 10% share of the profits from films and television productions based on his characters. Kapow! Lee now stands to receive royalties of at least $10m (£5.4m).

Music venue gulped cash: the Dome is in trouble again -- will this affect the Brighton Festival, I wonder?

I'd rather face jail than lose my chickens: Linda Turvey's Hen Heaven bird sanctuary is turning into hell as bailiffs threaten to seize her property. Linda has been rescuing battery hens and turkeys and giving them a new lease of life at the Hen Heaven sanctuary in Henfield since 1996.

Added an RSS site feed to my blog, courtesy good 'ole FeedBurner - Point your feed here. We'll do the rest.

Letter: A sad end for this grand old lady

I really should be making a start of the rewrite of my 1990 opus Drawing for 3-dimensional design, sadly out of print, but about to be revived as Drawing for designers, a much more apposite title in my opinion. So, this website – Back of the Napkin Sketches – came as a serendipitous surprise – research! Meanwhile, work has started on the Time Team website for Channel 4 tv. We're into the third weekly build now and this will keep me busy until the end of March (and beyond if they add on Specials and repeats).

What's it worth? Everyone has an opinion on how much art is worth, what's good or rubbish, time and effort, etc. Ruskin probably started it when he said of Whistler’s 'Nocturne in Black and Gold: The Falling Rocket': 'I never expected to hear a coxcomb ask two hundred guineas for flinging a pot of paint in the public’s face'. Whistler brought a libel suit against Ruskin, claiming damages of £1000. The jury found for Whistler, but awarded a mere farthing. Then there's the (probably apocryphal) Picasso story – punter asks how much for drawing he just did on a napkin. Picasso asks $30,000 (or whatever), punter is shocked: 'what? it only took you 2 minutes!' Picasso replies: 'no it took me the whole of my life'... I like this fable told by Dave Morgan, quoted on the Freelance Journalists' discussion List: It's a bit like the story of the factory boss who notices that they're paying good money to a maintenance man to look after a machine despite the fact that the machine has never gone wrong. In the end, they make this chap redundant and replace him with a school leaver. Within days the machine grinds to a halt and in desperation they call the old chap back in. He tells them he can fix the machine, but it's going to cost them £100,000. They decide to ask him to itemise his invoice, hoping that in doing so they can find out what's wrong and replace it themselves. He breaks his invoice down thus: Replacement washer - £1.00 Knowing which washer to replace - £99,999.00

Beyond the Level - Artists` Open Houses, Brighton -- just updated the Beyond the Level art trail website, ready for the May Brighton Festival.

Well, I've been on the (water) wagon for a day now! Tho I did manage 4 alcohol-free days before New Year's Eve! Don't think I'll break Nick's record tho -- he usually makes it to march at least.